Harry Potter Limericks
by Johnnys-eeyore
Summary: Random limericks i came up with for the Harry Potter characters! Some are rather dirty tho! R&R*UPDATED: FOURTH INSTALLMENT OF LIMERICKS!!* *
1. Harry Potter Limericks

Harry Potter Limericks

And Random Poems

Author: Yet again, it's me! Johnny E! Hey it rhymes! Well, what do you expect this is a poem kinda thing! (Pulls tongue)

Title: Harry Potter Limericks And Random Poems

Disclaimer: Why the hell do I have to keep saying this? I've said it numerous times before! Sod you, I'm not doing it again because it makes me sad (Smarmy grin) hehe (Random Lawyers appear) Oh crap…I don't own Harry Potter or any other characters that appear in these little pieces of random weirdness…(remembers sexy people she doesn't own, namely Snape and Lucius and breaks down) It's not fair!!! (Psychologist is bought on and Johnny receives some on the spot counselling) Right, I feel a tad better. Oh and if you've already used this idea and think I stole it from you…well, sod ya because I don't care! You don't own the world!

Authors Note: This is just a result of me having too much spare time, a weird imagination and an obsession with Harry Potter! Well…not literally Harry because I don't really like him that much! Whereas Snape rocks! Yay Snape!

Harry Potter- 

"The boy who lived sits in his dormy

 Finds that's he's getting quite horny

 He grabs hold of his d*ck

 Yanks it real quick

 And thinks about Sybil Trelawney"

(Dormy= Dormitory, I know it's a shit abbreviation but I couldn't think of anything else that rhymed)

Ron Weasley- 

"Ron has a thing for Miss Granger

 Could his fantasy be any stranger?

 He wants her down on all fours

 To rip off her draws

 And ride her like the Lone Ranger"

(Draws= Panties, Underwear, Knickers, Brief, Thong etc!

Lone Ranger= Random cowboy type guy!)

Hermoine Granger- 

"She seems like an innocent child

 A role model, tender and mild

 But she drinks bottles of rum

 And exposes her bum

 'Cos Hermoine Granger is wild!"

(A/N: I have no idea why Hermoine's way quite nice as I don't really like her that much…hmmmmmm…fucking weird!)

Severus Snape- 

"Severus Snape is really quite sweet

 From his gorgeous face to his feet

 Sevvie is sacred

 I want him naked

 'Cos I wouldn't mind eating his meat!"

(A/N: My personal feeling towards the potions master. I know I've probably made a few people vomit but dammit, it was worth it!)

Draco Malfoy- 

"He hates Harry Potters guts

 Inherited sexy struts

 He's a smug little git

 But off with his kit

 And show us that Malfoy butt!"

(Kit= Clothes)

Minerva McGonagall- 

"Minerva's not one to be risky

 But once she's finished her whiskey

 She takes off her smalls

 And streaks through the Halls

 'Cos McGonagall's definitely frisky"

(Smalls= Underwear)

Remus Lupin 

"Remus's a wolf but he's cute at least

 Enjoys a drink and good hearty feast

 It doesn't go to his head

 But once he's in bed

 Lupin's one hell of a beast!"

(Dedicated to Marauder Girl who is the biggest Lupin fan EVER!)

Sirius Black- 

"One of the Marauder clan

 He was framed and so he ran

 His life on the run

 Can't be much fun

 But he's one hell of a sexy man!

Lucius Malfoy:

"Like a dominant lion out on the plain

 With a shake of the arse and his long golden main

 He's gorgeous and funny

 Smarmy with money

 Rules the world with his 'sexy' snake cane!"

(Let Lucius and Snape rule the world like the Sex Gods they are!)

Albus Dumbledore- 

"As Headmaster he was selected

 Adored and greatly respected

 He eats Rolo's too much

 Grabbed Crouch's crutch

 But Albus was sexually rejected"

Rubeus Hagrid- 

"He made a mistake as a kid

 But never regrets what he did

 With a heart of gold

 He likes to be sold

 And will strip for the highest bid"

Voldemort- 

"He is known as the evil Dark Lord

 If he isn't killing he's easily bored

 But when he saw Lily's breast

 His heart pumped in his chest

 And Voldie's erection soared"

(I know that's kinda cruel towards Lily but it made me snigger!)

Gilderoy Lockhart- 

"His smarminess makes me feel sick

 His frequently sounds like a prick

 He's an annoying git

 Who's not the slightest bit fit

 Gilderoy Lockhart is just a big dick!"

Sybil Trelawney- 

"She tries desperately to be a good witch

  I wish she would fall down a ditch

 She's a huge pile of shit

 A first class tit

 Sybil Trelawney's a bitch!"

(A/N: As you've probably guessed I bloody hate Sybil Trelawney! She is my most hated character!)

So that's all for now, if you have any requests for characters I haven't done then let me know and I'll gladly do one for them (Friendly grin) Please Review on your way out? Pretty Please? Pretty Please with ice cream and cherries? Ummmmmmmmmmm…ice cream! (Drools)

REVIEW!!


	2. More Limericks Requested through Reviews

More Harry Potter Limericks- 

Requested through reviews

Author: Me, well technically the keyboard wrote it…but it was my idea and my (rather crude) imagination that came up with it…yay me!

Title: More Harry Potter Limericks- Requested through reviews

Disclaimer: Don't have to do another one! (Pulls tongues at JK and moons lawyers) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Goes insane and smashes thing up) I can pretend to own SNAPE! SNAPE I TELL YA! (Gets shot in the neck with a tranquilliser dart) ohhhhhhhhhhh…down I go (Collapses into unconscious mass and is carried off in a straight-jacket)

Authors Note: (After regaining consciousness) Basically this is more limericks (Looks around suspiciously and rubs neck) Stupid frikkin darts. I wrote these pieces of weirdness because people requested them…to be honest I can't believe people like the original ones as a lot of guys and gurls I know think my mind is warped. So, if you reviewed thanks a bunch and this is for you (Big Grin) Ouch (Is shot by another dart) This is taking the piss, I was being sane, you fucking moronsssssssssssssss…(Collapses again)

Fred & George- 

"They enjoy playing practical jokes

 'Cos they're great and hilarious blokes

 But what you don't know

 Is they enjoy a good blow

 On some fat Jamaican grass smokes"

(For all you innocent –cough- naïve –cough- people, the 'fat Jamaican grass smokes' = spliffs…weed…pot…happy grass etc)

Ginny Weasley- 

"It's well known she fancies Potter

 One smile is enough to besot her

 With her long red hair

 Her heart flutters in the air

 In a trap of lust he's got her"

(A/N: GOD THAT WAS GAY! I don't like this…I'll try and think up another…sorry!)  

Dobby the House Elf- 

"He pretends to enjoy peoples socks

 But really he's into guys Jocks*

 He gets high off a sniff

 Loves a good whiff

 Dobby's obsessed with men's cocks"

(Jocks*= Jockstraps…if you don't know what it means, look it up –tosses you a dictionary-)

Alastor Moody aka Mad Eye Moody- 

"He's getting paranoid in his old age

 People say he ought to be in a cage

 He likes to turn Malfoy

 To ferret from boy

 Whenever he gets in a rage"

(A/N: Moody is one of my favourites, but in the original limericks I couldn't think of a poem that would do him justice…the ferret moment is bloody hilarious, the best moment of the goblet of fire)

Moaning Myrtle- 

"Never known enough to be missed

 I doubt she's ever been kissed

 I know that she's dead

 Countless tears she does shed

 But she's sleeping where people have pissed"

Crabbe and Goyle- 

"If Hogwarts ran outta food they'd throw fits

 They probably have enormous man tits

 They are Draco Malfoy's henchmen

 Slim fast couldn't help them

 'Cos they're a couple of stupid dip shits"

Percy Weasley- 

"Percy Weasley has never been a slouch

 Has enormous respect for Barty Crouch

 He likes to constantly moan

 Makes his opinion well known

 Does he know he's a boring old grouch?"

Neville Longbottom- 

"He's always been dim and slow

 So in Potions Snape makes a show

 Not the sharpest knife in the draw

 But he's definitely not a bore

 Neville Longbottom's a secret man-hoe"

Peter Pettigrew aka Wormtail- 

"Once a friend of Lupin, Potter and Black

 But he chose to turn his back

 He was supposed to be their mate

 What he did makes me irate

 I wish I could cut off his sack!"

(Sack= Scrotum…muwahahahahahahahahahaha! Reproduce now, bastard!)

Authors Note: Once again, this is the end…it'd be much appreciated if you reviewed…and if you don't I'll burn down Hogwarts and kill everyone! (Evil Grin) Except Snape of course, I'll warn him! So review dammit, don't be lazy, it's on your way out! (Dart is fired but Johnny manages to dodge it) Right you Shitbag (Chases guy who fired dart and shoves it up his ass) hehe!

Oh yeah, any more requests just ask, and I'll do them!

REVIEW!!! Follow the arrow!

 |

 |

 |

 |

 |

\/


	3. Yet More Harry Potter Limericks Requeste...

MORE Harry Potter Limericks

Requested through MORE reviews!!

Author: Me! Johnnys Eeyore, the same girl who polluted your minds with the other two instalments of limericks!

Title: MORE Harry Potter Limericks, Requested through MORE reviews!!

Disclaimer: (Laughs in the face of lawyers) I don't have to do another one! So ner ner ner ner NER! (Pulls tongues and slaps ass cheek)

Authors Note: Wow! I never expected people to like these in the slightest but you have proved me wrong! Thanks to all who have reviewed in the past, these new limericks were requested by you!! If you can think of anyone I haven't done yet then don't hesitate to ask!

These limericks were written while listening to 'We Want Fun' by Andrew WK and 'Through The Night' which is the intro song for Outlaw Star!

Ludo Bagman (or Ludo Bastard as put by AppleJuiceMaster- Hell yeah!)-

"He tries desperately to play the part

 Of someone who is fun and smart

 But he's really a cunt

 I'm gonna be blunt

 Ludo's a shitty old fart"

Quirrell- 

"Always seemed to be alone

 He tried to take the Philosophers stone

 But he feels men's peck's

 Has rabid man sex

 And enjoys having Voldies bone"

(Peck's= like..the chest area, muscular area…ahhhhhhhh look it up, I know what I mean!)

Arthur Weasley- 

"The Ministry is where he chose to work

 But he sometimes feels like a stupid jerk

 When he see's that blonde sex god

 With his sexy hot bod

 And his Malfoy arrogant smirk"

(A/N: That kinda turned into a Lucius Malfoy limerick didn't it…I guess it's a cross! Sorry)

Cedric- 

"He was selected as the Gryffindor champ

 Even though he acts rather camp

 When he found out his task

 He has no time to bask

 'Cos Cedric's pants became damp"

(Camp= acting gay/homosexual)

Victor Krum- 

"His name is Victor Krum

 He dresses like a bum

 He thinks he is fabs

 But he has pubic crabs

 Lets face it, Victor is dumb"

(Dresses like a bum= Dresses like a tramp)

Mrs Norris- 

"Prowling Hogwarts at night

 Trying to give people a fright

 She's Filch's spy

 Makes everyone sigh

 She's an annoying nosey furry shite"

Fleur- 

"Thinks she is Gods gift to men

 Because she can wear a size ten

 She loves her own face

 But she's a snobby disgrace

 She should be stabbed with a pen"

(Size ten= Small dress size

 Pen= Pen knife…bwahahahahahahaha!)

Barty Crouch- 

"Can never get Percy's name right

 He's never been known to fight

 Barty's getting old

 His house should be sold

 'Cos he's losing his hearing and sight"

Molly Weasley- 

"She freaks out about the smallest thing

 When she's constipated she tends to sing

 She's no slut

 But has a sore butt

 And there's a rash all over her ring"

(Ring= Asshole)

Parvati- 

"She isn't really well known

 But she once sucked Harry's cone

 She unzipped his pants

 Listened to his horny rants

 Then made Weasley moan"

Winky- 

"She was fired for something she didn't do

 Accused of summoning the evil dark crew

 But it was a lot of crap

 Barty needs a slap

 Winky's even cleaned up his poo"

Authors Note: Well, once again, that's it for this evening. I hope you liked the limericks and please review on your way out! (Big Smile) Ah go on! Go on! Go on! Go on! Go on! (Throws a squirrel at McGonagall)

PRESS ME! 

 |

 |  

 | 

 |

 |

\/


	4. Even More Harry Potter Limericks

Even More Harry Potter Limericks

Author: Myself, the tired yet hyper girl sat infront of the computer that doesn't belong to her, acting weird and drinking nesquik power mixed with milk= chocolate milk…namely, me, Johnnys Eeyore

Title: Even MORE Harry Potter Limericks

Disclaimer: (Yawns) See chapter 1…SEE CHAPTER 1 DAMMIT! I own practically nothing in this world! Except weird, insane and cool shit…oh, I own a pack of skittles! HA! Bet you're jealous!

Authors Note: Even more limericks. Can't believe I actually keep thinking of more characters to do. In fact, after this lot, I'm fresh out of things and people to do! So, if you want more and can think of any I haven't yet done then please leave the character name in a review! Thanks (Smiles in a sinister way)

Lily Potter- 

"She made out to James they were poor

 So he would let her become a she-whore

 Selling herself of the streets

 To all the men that she meets

 No wonder her privates are sore"

James Potter- 

"As an animal, he chose a stag

 His self-loving attitude makes me gag

 He thought he was great

 But death was his fate

 Does he know that he married a slag?"

Filch- 

"He creeps around, trying to cause shit

 He not remotely sexy or fit

 He an annoying old oaf

 Eats excessive meat loaf

 And that's why he's such a fat git"

Authors Note: God that was pathetic! HELP! Review if you can…I need more people to do!


End file.
